18. Bono

I can only live without him.

Bono has been named Time Person of the Year, he’s been nominated for the Nobel Prize, an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, and has won several Grammies. He was voted as one of the 100 most influential people in the world and has won the Presidential Medal of Honour in Chile. He is a walking trophy cabinet, he’s given millions to charity, and is generally liked by the international community. But I hate him, I hate him so much that every time a U2 song somehow reaches my innocent ears, I want to drive some sort of poisonous substance into my heart. Join me as I take you down a stroll where the streets have no names, we’ll hang out by the Joshua tree as I tear the shit-eating grin off this assclown’s face.

I hate Bono for the following reasons:

1. Take the negative aspects of every adult contemporary Christian band you can think of: Jars of Clay, Third Day, Faith + 1, and slather them in egotistical, arrogant politika… that’s U2. They are a conglomerate of everything shitty about the shittiest genre, their lyrics are eerily similar and every song is so fucking upbeat. They march around the world acting as the ambassadors for everything good, when in truth, they are just a band, and not a very good band at that. “But Luke, they’ve sold millions, they sell out stadiums, they are insanely popular,” to this I say, “Jeffree Star.” You don’t need to be good to be popular and U2 has mastered their monotonous and dreadfully boring sound in such a way that millions of monotonous and dreadfully boring people are slobbering all over their dicks for more of their tripe. Ever met a rabid U2 fan? Do they seem a little off? It is because they are actually clinically retarded, no sane person could actually say U2 is their favourite band… they are garbage, they are garbage, they are garbage. And Bono is the brains of this asstastic band.

2. Bono is a humanitarian there is no doubt, but he also systematically exploits those who he is helping in order to pass his fucked up agenda. He gets involvde in the politics of countries ranked higher on the HDI than his home country, he’s just a little shit in how he operates.

This was from the South Australia Sunday Mail in 2006:

“At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, [Bono] asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, ‘Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.’”

You’re not God you filthy bastard, I know you want to be able to destroy and create life at the clap of a hand or the snap of a finger, but you can’t. It’s this egotistical nonsense that I detest with a passion, just because you give money to the poor doesn’t mean you can become political in the way you have. “But Luke, he gives money to the poor, he works to end poverty, prevent human rights abuses, isn’t he’ doing a good thing?” Is he though? Is the way he has thrusted himself to the front of the humanitarian craze appropriate? I would argue no, because he has leveraged his “benevolence” to acquire more power. In 2005, Bono questioned Canada’s foreign aid contribution, oh no he didn’t!, Canada, the country that championed the concept of the Peacekeeper, Canada, a nation respected by the world for it’s emphasis on discourse before deaths. He fucking questions our foreign aid contribution? Go to hell you arrogant bastard. That same year Bono thanked Bush for unveiling a five billion dollar foreign aid package… a fifth of America can’t afford health care, but this doesn’t matter to Bono, because according to Bono a nation should look after those children a thousand miles away that he can get a photo op with before the family in Biloxi who can’t get flu shots (n).

Really, for someone as ‘humanitarian’ as you claim to be, one would think you would hold one key characteristic, being human. You have elevated yourself to some sort of demi-god, when in truth you are just a singer from Ireland.

You aren’t the shit Bono.

You are shit.

At least 9 Courics worth.

Also:

PHAIL.

~ by thingsifuckinghate on June 14, 2008.