3. Things I Fucking Love (Friends)

Preface: if you are not on this relatively exclusive list, it’s cool, I think you are wonderful as well, these four people in particular have had an affect on me in various ways throughout my life. I would feel bad having such an elaborate list of things I hate without at least mentioning that these four people in particular represent a very good aspect of my life.

Fun facts, none of these people have been in the same room together at the same time, everyone of them have mad vices (see thingsifuckinglove post 5), and they all make fun of the type of music I listen to.

Mallory Bey

My first year at university I basically averaged 13 hours a day hanging out with this girl. Being a religious studies major, Mallory is religiously tolerant, she thinks God oppresses her, and at times will wear a crucifix out of irony. I have been made privy to her sometimes turbulent personal life which has created a trust with her that is comparable to very few relationships. We’ve had entire days where we only talk to each other in Simpson’s quotes, she acts as a translator for me at restaurants and has picked me up from airports in other provinces when I’m in a jam. Basically this girl would do anything for me and I’m sure I’d do anything for her.

Mal is super cool, we’ve broken federal law together and have toiled through dozens of papers, she generally beats me by 1%. From 3am chats on the phone, to screaming the lyrics to “Born in the USA” to unsuspecting Quebeckers, this girl is wicked. She’s the first person I go to when I have a problem, and I could fuck up big time and she wouldn’t judge me. So for that she is my best friend.

Ed Scherrer

The greatest human wild card this world has ever known. One time Ed Scherrer and I went to a music festival called Coachella, at this festival a DJ named Girl Talk played, as Girl Talk came on stage he said “This is the one show where you have sex at Coachella,” to which Ed looked keenly into the crowd, gave me a pat on the back, and said “I’m going to find my White Bronco.” He wasn’t seen from again for sometime. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I knew he meant well. This is the type of person Ed Scherrer is, he’s absent minded at times, will smoke a pack of cigarettes in an evening when he has an idea, and is pretty much up for anything that could get his face on the front page of every newspaper in the world. We are the self-proclaimed gatekeepers of facebook as we are the only two people on our friends list in the wee hours of the morning. Our sleeping patterns reflect a particular apathy to anything structured, we might be mere children with shitty facial hair, but at least we know the Korean Soccer League scores before the rest of the world wakes up. I’m not sure if Ed is a sociopath or not, but that’s OK, at least he is interesting. Ed will either land a book deal and live comfortably or live in some shack in the woods broadcasting beat poetry to a clan of avid listeners.

Ed Scherrer: the less brown of the two.

We’ve been to Shady Lane and 8 Mile Road, we’ve been to East Jordan, Michigan to see a metal show in a church, we’ve both committed our share of evil deeds, but we’ve always gotten away with it. When we’re both homeless after our worthless degrees we’ll squeegee the fuck out of the streets of Toronto. It is for these reasons that he is my best friend.

Danny Wilson

I lived for a year in a cozy apartment on St. Catherines street in Montreal with this guy. I’ve seen him at his very low points, witnessed the dizzying highs, and in truth they are pretty much the same. Danny used to party like a rockstar before his problems with the law; one time at four in the morning he stumbled into my bedroom, cigarette in hand, decked out in a traditional Native Canadian dress. He poked fun at me and then began to cry, I carried him to bed and tucked him in, his last words to me before he passed out were, “I’m not drunk, I’m just drunk.” We dealt with our quibbles with each other very appropriately, for about a week Danny tried to light me on fire to express his rage towards me, he was successful one evening, lighting my ass hair on fire. I however got back at him by stealing his meds and leaving him a series of clues as to their whereabouts, upon finding them, he threatened to kill me, then we went for Mexican food.

Danny is a friend in every sense of the word, he is able to tell you when you were wrong and willing to accept fault on things. He is open with who he is and cultivates his individuality in a way that I have never seen before. It is for this reason that he is my best friend.

Kate Howells

As I’ve mentioned previously on this site I’m an RA for the McGill residence system. I sort of act as an individual who helps out students with certain issues. Kate was one of my students and was an integral part in making my floor absolutely amazing, she’s likely the most benevolent, organic (I’m not sure if this works as an adjective in this context, but I like it), human being I’ve ever met. She was the only person who would come with me to the ESSO at 2:30 in the AM for Cheesies and Monster Energy Drinks. She also reps my hometown of the quad-city area which makes her entirely legit. By the end of the year, she wasn’t a student that I needed to look after or care about, she was legitimately a friend to whom I could tell anything to. She is the only person in the world who knows my biggest secret, for those reasons and the fact she is fucking cool, she is my best friend.

Famous Kate quotes, “Luke you should do a shitload of ex and dress up like a clown.”

“Luke you should get plastered drunk and dress up like a princess.”

“Luke you should do tons of shrooms and dress up like a lobster.”

She is a great influence.

To you four, if you are ever stuck in a Cambodian prison and need someone to break you out, and you get one call, I’ll come get you… promise, to everyone else… call the embassy.

~ by thingsifuckinghate on May 10, 2008.