60. Evangelicalism

This term can simply refer to the Protestant movement that formed in opposition to Catholicism. Protestantism by itself is dope, I really like it. However it is the conservative spin that has been placed on it by people in North America that I hate.

Evangelicalism is bad, very bad. In my opinion it is more detrimental to America than this false fear of terrorism, it is scary, horribly elitist, and discriminatory. They have seemingly embedded themselves into American politics and not only perpetuate the patriarchy, they jizz all over the face of feminism. I dated a wonderful Baptist girl in grade 11 and 12, due to her mother’s religious convictions our dates consisted of going to youth group at her church every Friday. Everyone at the church was super nice at first, but then I realized that their kindness was used as a recruiting tactic. Being an apathetic agnostic at the time I playfully acted as the Devil’s advocate… literally. While at this church I was told drums were evil, homosexuals were wicked, and that the end of the world would come at the hands of God in our lifetime. Once, to illustrate a point the Pastor wrote the phrase “I HATE GOD” on the chalkboard, I watched as the students gasped in horror, I chuckled at how ridiculous this all was.

Having studied Theology in a secular institution for three years I’ve finally realized how damaging this view of the world is for the development of children and all people. Imagine growing up in a family where you are told that if you don’t accept Christ, you will be struck down by God sometime in your lifetime. Imagine having homosexual urges and being told you would rot in hell for your impure thoughts. The wild thing is that Evangelicalism is almost non-existent in Canada and no where as extreme as what goes on in the United States. Twenty-nine percent of Americans identify as Evangelical Christians, 18 percent of individuals believe in predestination and that God blesses America above all. Join me as I tear this belief structure to absolute shreds. Warning, if you identify with these beliefs or can be offended easily, you probably should skip this one.

Evangelicals Hate Homosexuals

Lev 18:22-23: “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.”

(Removes dick from the ass of Pat Robertson)

God told you this? Didn’t God also tell you that you should never eat fat? (Lev 3:17) I guess church BBQs are equatable to a bunch of guys making out in their underwear. Here’s my issue with a ‘Law’ like banning homosexuality, if you truly believe it is the Word of God, then believe it… and don’t fuck guys if you are a guy. But don’t tell another person that they shouldn’t fall in love, hold hands, and live a happy life with a member of the same sex. You are shit compared to God, let him judge a gay man, don’t tell them they are vile and wicked, and don’t ban them from your church. It’s a good tactic I suppose, everyone has sex, and by controlling sexual urges, you can maintain control of our penises and vaginas.

I worked for a while at Queer McGill selling chocolate vagina’s for the Vagina Monologues (the funniest story I’ve ever been directly involved with stems from this job, ask me about it someday). Anyway one day the Campus Crusade for Christ put up a table next to the Queer McGill booth. When I stood up to get a drink of water, one little fucker from their table said to me “You will suffer eternal damnation for your actions,” to which I responded “I KNOW it sucks! But I can’t fucking wait to have sex with your father while we both rot in hell!” Probably crossed the line, but really, how dare they! First, I’m not gay, they just immediately assumed I was because I was helping out with an organization that offers assistance to gays. They judged me personally, everything about me was stripped down and I was instantly inferior to them and they knew nothing about me. Fucking pricks.

Women are Inferior

One of the huge things protestantism borrowed from Catholicism is the general assumption that women are huge fuck ups. I mean Eve did eat the fruit, she fucked everything up for all of us. The quibble I have with this argument is that Eve showed independence and determination, she wanted knowledge, it was that bitch Adam who blindly followed Eve and shared in the fruit. The Church fathers have consistently used the fact Eve was responsible for the fall to argue that women should not be trusted. They represent the role of temptress and as such should submit to men, the more moral sex. Women in the Evangelical movement represent a systematically conditioned personality that teaches them to take care of their husband. Banning sex before marriage is a good example of this, women are unable to ever be independent sexually, they are either their father’s possession or their husband’s possession. Their body is never theirs. The Apostle Paul however writes in Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” I guess we shouldn’t interpret this verse literally. If you got Judith Butler and Simone de Beauvoir in the same room with the top Evangelical leaders, the women would cripple every argument thrown at them. The women would straight up embarrass the men. Assuming that women are inferior does not make you ‘men,’ it just displays an insecurity that makes you look like children.

Evangelicalism Destroys Intellectual Discourse

I’m not sure if dumb people naturally gravitate to Evangelicalism or if it is the archaic, backward theology of the movement that creates millions of morons. I don’t really know who hasn’t told these fools that creationism and evolution can work hand in hand, unfortunately they don’t listen and spew this intelligent design bullshit. I’m not one to question religious claims, but when you spit LIES under some butchered veil of science… you’re really reaching at something that isn’t there.

Being told that the only answer is Christ, that all other religions are false, and that the Pope is the Anti-Christ (this claim is still in the books), can be incredibly damaging for any form of discourse. Ever wonder why America is hated so much by extremist Islam? It is the mentality that Christ is not only THE answer, but all other answers are inherently demonic. It is also incredibly ignorant to dispel a religion as being flawed without knowing anything about it. Islam is one of the most beautiful faiths I’ve ever seen, but no evangelical would believe that because they are consistently told to stay away from this demonic religion of Hades.

Maybe I’m wrong though, maybe I’m going to hell, and maybe the world is going to end within the next calendar year.

~ by thingsifuckinghate on April 25, 2008.